Isn't it interesting where we all are? For me, it has now been 45 years, I have gone to sleep and awoken on this spinning rock floating through space; which is made up of an ever growing world of gases and solids. Then you reduce it down to yourself; just let that sink in as to how small we really are.
Yet as tiny as it seems, life is complicated. And it can wear on you. 2020 started out and it was a phenomenal year. Sure there are things that completely suck and I say often how it was not supposed to be this way. Again...complicated. But then with everything going on in the world and our country, at some point I lost myself and allowed misplaced hopes and limited perspectives to take over my mind. I had been beating myself up over this for several months now; to the point I became a stranger to myself. I now realize, even the most grounded people can feel hijacked by the winds of unpredictable change.
I got so caught up in tomorrow and the next day and the next month and what was going to happen, I was never living in the moment anymore. I would also get stuck in the past. Within that there is an obvious level of erosion to my own Spirit and soul. I found myself consistently stressed out to the point that I would lash out and it most deeply impacted those closest to me. It was absolutely toxic to every single one of my relationships. Due to never living in the moment it allowed my mind to never even attempt to trust the process and enjoy what time I have with those I love and care about.
If you know me very well at all I know you have heard me say more than once, "Life is all about relationships." Then here I was slowly allowing the meaning of one of my own mantras to disintegrate before my very eyes. Then in turn it became a vicious cycle where I would get more down on myself.
Now before you think this is going to lead to some inspirational posting, just wait. HAHA There are some truths I had to address in my own mind as I began the process this last week through a couple different avenues. It is amazing the perspective you can see when you stop for a moment and live in the moment and find the positives.
Now when you evaluate life and what it is you realize that everything on this earth is in a state of decay. It truly is the circle of life. And before you start thinking I am wallowing in the bad stuff, remember decay brings about new life. For example, the remains of a moose killed by a bear also feeds smaller animals and insects and eventually even the soil on which it lay. Or the stone walls of a canyon eroding away in the river and from wind. It turns to sand and dust and feeds beaches and release nutrients and elements into the air that feed other aspects of creation. Some of it even winds up in the sea and the mineral deposits from it feed plankton. Which again begins a long line of the circle of life that leads to the birth and regeneration of many things. All these realities are not the end, but rather a temporary middle.
Now how long has this world been here? No one knows for sure but millions of years, maybe more? With all that being said, when we put forth an effort we can make this nanosecond worth of time we have here to make some kind of a positive impact.