ImNoBetterThanU

     So I just came out of a whirlwind of a near fantasy month. So amazing it is difficult to describe.      It began with the celebration of our freedom on Independence day weekend.  How can one not rejoice in a time as such. With everything going on in America many have lost hope, but hopelessness is not  what our nation was built upon. As Bono of U2 stated, America is not a country it is an idea. The definition of an idea is "a thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action" or "the aim of purpose". It is ever evolving and whether you believe it or not we do maintain a certain level of control within the shaping of that idea. One thing we have to remember is that media thrives on the negative because they want ratings. They will use images and sounds to paint a picture to portray to the minds of the world in a way they feel will draw more people in and increase their ratings. Kind of sick, I know. But there is also so much good progr...

     I have been consistently pursuing a healthier lifestyle for several months now. This includes but is not limited to: healthier eating, more exercise, more rest, and more "me" time. Aside from just feeling better, my primary motivation is to have better health in general for Andrew's sake. I know the time will come when I will get to spend more time with him and I am not getting any younger. I want the precious time I do get with him to be the best it can be. If he wants to go to the park for four hours I want to be able to "hang" with him. As he gets older he will likely get into other sports or active lifestyle hobbies and I want to be able to do those things with him.      The progress I have seen in 2014 has been tremendous. It is a direct result of my dedication and consistency. This is also helping my finances, the gym comes out to approximately a dollar a day and so I can redirect money from other "entertainment" activities to chip away at...

     So last Thursday kicked off the Alpha Summit 2012  at Gateway Church . To me, personally, this is more than just an annual conference. I was raised in the church and was on fire as a youth. I went to Peru doing missions and was all about sharing the gospel message and introducing others to Christ our Lord. Then as much a cliché as it is; I went wayward as the prodigal son had centuries before me. However, it was on May 15, 2009 (during the first Alpha Summit conference) when Pastor Robert Morris  spoke, that I surrendered my life to the Lord. I decided that evening to stop smoking, stop living out actions of sexual immorality, surrender my pride, and die to self. It was the most important evening of the last fifteen years of my life. I have grown much since then and fallen at times as well.      In the last couple weeks I have picked myself up and brushed myself of and I am on the journey once again. Then came Alpha Summit. A...

      Many decisions we make have an eternal impact upon our lives and the lives of our children (our legacy) whether good or bad. "We will reap what we sow" - Galatians 6:7b " for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me," - Exodus 20:5b      Making a decision is a cognitive process which results in a choice.  Progression in life (maturity and growth) is directly correlated with our daily choices. Our choices also control our attitudes which impacts our behaviors. Our choices also impact those in our lives. I have just gone through a season of making poor choices. Falling victim to temptation in areas I had previously conquered. Self condemnation is an easy thing to fall victim of after these setbacks, as well as guilt of how we affected others as a result of our sin. I myself was falling into both pits when God, ...

     Countless individuals have been asking how the court hearing went in California for legal custody/visitation of Andrew. I was hoping and praying for the best so that I can begin growing a deeper relationship with Andrew and although I wanted more; I believe that our God did the best for the present time. Rather than get all wordy and drawn out I will succinctly put the results below in bullet points. Partial Stipulation With notice greater than 48 hours I will be allowed reasonable visitation with Andrew and we will have a mental health professional involved as a third party for their input that will allow for fair progression in visitation. (i.e. - more time and eventually having him come here for split holidays, part of the summer, and any other that is agreed upon at that time) I have an allotted time with a 30 minute window to call and speak to Andrew once a week. I can call more often than once a week, but that does not...

     God's forgiveness is absolute; we are the ones that struggle with forgiveness (both giving and receiving). Until you truly believe this in your heart you can not experience true freedom from your past. It is much easier to believe this in your mind than to allow that belief to travel eighteen inches to the heart.      What I am about to share with you, many of you know about my past...most of you do not. This part of my life goes back to early 2004. This was a time when I was working for a publication company during the week and working in a friends bar on the weekends. At this time I was living a life of total immorality. I was drunk every weekend (fringe benefit of being a bartender), I was living in promiscuity, smoking one to two packs of cigarettes a day, and the occasional joint would top things off. I was a poor steward of relationships in my life (both family and friends), I was a poor steward of money,...

So I realize it has been a while since I have written a post. So much has happened since then. There is much to rejoice about! Will you rejoice with me? I will start with some great things about my son Andrew. I have kind of kept him out of the blog for a while, but this is worth sharing. Recently he graduated pre-K; at that time they had a math test of 100 problems of addition and subtraction. The children were then told they had five minutes to complete as many problems as they could. Well, my son Andrew completed all 100 and got them all correct! How incredibly exciting and awesome is that! WOOOHOOOOOO! I got to talk to him about it and he spoke to me longer than he ever had previously. We must have talked for a total of fifteen minutes or more. He told me about a medal he got and then he sang to me! It was incredible. Then a couple of weeks ago when we spoke he was reading with his mother when I called. So when he got on the phone he asked if I would like ...

I am grateful for my mother who has always been there for me and continues to show her support through all my times of need. I am grateful for my sister who despite our many differences has always shown me love and is the best sibling I could have hoped and dreamed of having. I am grateful for all my family who has stuck with me through all of my trials and tribulation sin life. I am grateful for my friends who show support when it is needed and are there for me to vent to. I am grateful for the mother of my son who has been an amazing mother and raised a bright, happy boy that will grow into a strong man. I am VERY grateful for the healthy son that I have been blessed with and regardless of the past I now have a bright future whereas I can be an example for him to become a great man that lives the life all men should. I am grateful for GOD for having the grace to let someone with my wicked past live a great life from this day forward so that I may do my part to make this world a bette...

Well, here we are. My first blogoversary! I figured with this I should begin writing again. It has been far too long since I have regularly posted entries in here.  Well the last year was definitely filled with all kinds of change, adversity, etc.  January:  at the time I began writing in this blog I was just coming out of a state of pretty severe depression that was a result of a time in my life of obfuscation. I had never experienced depression before (whereas I am a predominantly happy go lucky kind of person) so it took me a while to even figure out what was wrong within myself. During that time I also began consistently experiencing migraine headaches that would last days. It was what some would call a low-point in my life. The turn around began when I flew into Texas for the holidays. I was able to visit my mother and sister and try to get my thoughts worked out. It worked...I went back to my home in Virginia after the holidays with a new sense of motivation.  February:  I decide...

Those are the statistics provided by the doctor on my son! Below is him being happy as can be inthe waiting room! WooHooo!

may not seem to go together very well but that is where I am currently at in life. I have always been one to be the life of the party and will admit that I have a slight case of narcissism. However, when I discovered that I have a son it truly changed everything. It changed my attitude of life, my goals and aspirations, and most importantly my day to day actions. Many still inquire when I tell them about the last three years that I have missed out on. I continue to tell them it is of the past and can not be changed. I make them aware that I am focusing on the present and what needs to be done to be there and have a positive impact on my sons life in the future. The present is all we can truly control and the choices we make now will obviously control consequences and many circumstances we experience in the future. I also am grateful for how wonderful a job his mother has done in raising him thus far. He is very polite, happy, and respectful. How do I know this? (you ask) Well, I have ...

is a difficult thing. The key is not letting those difficulties become pervasive; which I myself have difficulty in that department. Is it normal? Am I weak? Who knows. Many of you that know me; know that I am an optimist and usually very cheery. The problem with being like I am is that when I do have a bad/tough day it can be severely misconstrued by those I come in contact with. They may feel I am ignoring them, I am angry with them, or whatever else the minds of individuals can create. But through it all I have God and my son to keep me going! And his mother has been absolutely amazing through this all and it will not be long before we can all be closer and show Andrew what family is and should be.

well today was a good day. I slept in then went to my favorite Starbucks for my morning coffee. I then went to work on a day off for some overtime! YEAH! When I left work I came home changed and went to my gym and got a great workout in. When returning home I then called plenty of places which I needed to handle some financial business. I am trying to get everything lined up to begin paying down some debt while saving as much as possible. I would like to have some money for when I go meet my son for the first time next month! I also now intend to move back to California as soon as possible; which will also require some financial miracles. Regardless of it all I got a lot done and feel very accomplished!

can lead to injury. Now that I am a father I have to take mroe time studying the techings of safety. So please heed this warning well.

because I have a long journey ahead of me now. Today it was confirmed that I am a father! Now why a new horse carriage? Because I need something durable, I have missed out on the the first three and half years of his life. It has not completely sunk in so I have a lot to do which is obvious. This will truly be a turning point in my life that God will have to guide me through in order to do things as quickly and efficiently as possible. His birthday is three days after mine! Oh how I wish I could hold him now. My own flesh and blood...how crazy is that? One of the greatest things about this entire situation is his mother is approaching this situation with the mindset of collaboration, not isolation. How amazing is that? At a point in my life where I was beginning to humble myself and possibly take it too far by it leading to a feeling of insignificance, I am given the good news. There is nothing insignificant at all about being a father! I am working to control a dollop of desperation t...