ImNoBetterThanU

No I am not writing about the TV series with Kirk Cameron. Nor am I talking about physical pains caused from skeletal or muscular growth periods in childhood. Rather I am talking about Spiritual, emotional, relational, psychological, etc. Yeah pretty much everything else other than the two aforementioned non issues I am currently dealing with.      In my previous post I wrote of this tough season I am experiencing. A season where our mighty God has led me into the wilderness. A season where I am on the potter's wheel being worked over by the sovereign hands of God. A season where both my Spirit and soul are being stretched. A season where my faith is being tested and as a result is growing exponentially as I learn to further surrender myself to His will.      One thing we need to remember too is Jesus (as God in the flesh here in earth) endured the same struggles we do so He truly does understand. I like this that I read from Max Lucado : Becaus...

     About a year ago I was in communication with someone who has known me for several years. I think they are still to this day trying to figure out what has happened to me. I have been overtly open and honest that by surrendering my life to God I am a new creature and that His love is growing inside me. One of their responses was "I have heard church is just another addiction." I can not argue that. I am addicted to the love I feel from God. I am addicted to church. However... CHURCH IS NOT A BUILDING!      Church is community, it is what occurs outside the walls of the building much more than what occurs within them. As a result of that community and the grace and mercy of our great God, I am literally a new creature. So if you view it as an addiction then hook up the IV! I have traded in other addictions. A glass pipe for the Bible, a joint for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, a bottle of Patron for worshiping our sweet Lord, a l...

     Countless individuals have been asking how the court hearing went in California for legal custody/visitation of Andrew. I was hoping and praying for the best so that I can begin growing a deeper relationship with Andrew and although I wanted more; I believe that our God did the best for the present time. Rather than get all wordy and drawn out I will succinctly put the results below in bullet points. Partial Stipulation With notice greater than 48 hours I will be allowed reasonable visitation with Andrew and we will have a mental health professional involved as a third party for their input that will allow for fair progression in visitation. (i.e. - more time and eventually having him come here for split holidays, part of the summer, and any other that is agreed upon at that time) I have an allotted time with a 30 minute window to call and speak to Andrew once a week. I can call more often than once a week, but that does not...

So just over two years ago when I began attending my current church I would go in, mingle, worship, listen to the message, take notes, etc. Then I would leave and go about living just as the world lives. Then the conviction began, notice I said conviction and NOT condemnation. At that point I began trying harder to stop doing the things that I knew were sinful behavior and and damaging myself and putting a wedge between myself and God. I kept failing so I tried harder! I might go a few days, then maybe weeks; but all in all I would still fail miserably. So I tried even HARDER! It was so frustrating. Whereas the distance between those times would increase it was so tiring to work so hard to "be good". Then one day... Finally one day I surrendered. I gave over control. Not to say it was all instantaneous and I had no more failure, but it became less tiresome. I gave my heart to God.  You see it is all an issue of the heart, nothing external . Some will disag...