Friday, January 1, 2010

Impetuous behaviors...

Let me start by telling any and all readers happy new year. So December was a truly rocky month for me emotionally, spiritually, physically, psychologically, and physiologically. What? You think I am a mess? Well, we all are if you want to be honest with yourself. One thing I can say is that over the last year I have made huge strides to being more healthy in all the aforementioned areas and I am. However, life is a continual process of progressive sanctification and I am aware of that. I know that at this time last year and especially just 18 months ago I was doing drugs, getting drunk often, and very promiscuous to top it all off. Well, thankfully I can say those  days are behind me, but now time to work on resolving other problems...again this growth should be progressive. 

This brings me to an issue with which I have gotten much better than I was, say fifteen years ago yet still need some work in this area. Whereas my impetuous behaviors are typically good and work to better myself and those around me, there are times when it does the opposite. Even though they are rare occasions the pain inflicted upon those that are closest and dearest to me it tremendous. Kind of ironic too that as I have brought up that I am working on issues of hurting those close to me; three different friends of mine have the initial response of "no you do not".

A part of me is glad that people see me that way whereas I try to live my life in a way that can be a witness to how Jesus lived his life. But, the reality of it is that I am a mess inside. Our most righteous actions are but the equivalent of a dirty rag. The reality of it all is that I have issues like everyone else and I want to work on them to correct them, deal with them, receive the necessary healing, and move on! With that being said I am choosing now to confront these issues head on! 2010 will be a year where I experience even more freedom and stop hurting those closest to me and allow to build upon those relationships.
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