ImNoBetterThanU

Orbital indifference chaos rampant delusional stoppage accusational cynicism 

       As many of you who know me can attest, an area where I could use some growth is the use of my words. Sure many of you may be thinking of how encouraging I am because those are the exact words I hear from many of you. But, there are those times where I still respond improperly, especially at work. The workplace may be where I struggle the most with this in dealing with such diverse personalities. Another area (where I am improving), but have likely done drastic damage in the past is with my family and others with which I have close relationships. Again I am aware and incredibly grateful to God for the immense growth I have experienced in this area over the last two to three years. With that being said it remains an area of focus where I choose to surrender to His will so He can further renew those broken areas of my life.      I truly want to allow Him to do the work whereas I have tried in the past to correct these cha...

     So today I had planned to go after work to the gym and then to church to volunteer with Mor which is our high school ministry. I have been highly involved in our Jr. High Ministry Amped for over a year and whereas I love all of our current students I do miss many that have moved on. I thought it would be good to "move on" with them and another great way to serve my King! Then last night an amazing woman God has placed in my life made the simple statement, "You do so much already, are you really going to commit to something else?"      Throughout this day those words would occasionally visit me. So I decided to simply pray about it. I felt lead to simply go home and rest. Rest in the sense of relaxing in ways I find relaxing, not necessarily just taking a nap. The kind of rest God has been speaking to me about all of 2011. If you now me well you know I am kind of always going, going, going. Well, the words of wisdom I received last nigh...

     This was a post I had intended to write on Thanksgiving; whereas it ties in well with the relaxed, tiresome state we often feel after our Thanksgiving meal. Something we often experience in the physical after eating a meal, but I believe we also have to be careful to not fall into this state in our Spiritual lives as well.      For example, 2011 is a year where I have been blessed to have been fed more Spiritually than any other time in my life. I attribute some of this to my desire to grow closer to our sweet Lord, but another contributing factor is the people I have been blessed to have in my life that have challenged me to grow even more. Additionally, my home church is adamant about equipping others to be properly armed to go into battle for the souls of those within our circle of influence.       By pressing in and allowing God to use me I have had a bigger impact on the world than I could have ever ...

The arising sun shines so bright, Creating many smiles of great delight. Hours go by and the day wears on, All the casted shadows, they grow long. Darkness then envelops the sky, The adjustment inevitable within my eyes. A lot occurs within that time, Most of those actions worth but a dime. I pray to God my actions each day, Impact the eternal in a Godly way.

     So I realize I have not posted in here in several months. Other than some poetry a few weeks back. I assure you it has not been out of a lack of desire. Writing is so therapeutic and and I enjoy sharing whereas I know God may choose to use my writing to impact someones soul in a positive manner. I also realize when I was posting more often I was in a rough season showing true transparency on here. Well, you will be happy to know a renewed season of hope and joy followed those posts.      Now onto present day life. Over the better portion of the year 2011 I have felt fantastic. My ministry to youth has exploded in so many ways and the best part is it has been effortless on my part. By making proper choices and being obedient God has done all the work. I am also physically healthier than I have likely ever been in my life which is incredible considering my past of sexual immorality, drugs, and alcohol. I find the link between our Spirits, minds, and bo...

Events in life will take their toll, All the while impacting your soul. Depending on your strength within, The result can lead you straight to sin. Surrender is the ultimate key, to what you ask? Do not ask me. The choice is yours within free will, The thought process can make you ill. I await the time I look back and see, How all this only strengthened me.

No I am not writing about the TV series with Kirk Cameron. Nor am I talking about physical pains caused from skeletal or muscular growth periods in childhood. Rather I am talking about Spiritual, emotional, relational, psychological, etc. Yeah pretty much everything else other than the two aforementioned non issues I am currently dealing with.      In my previous post I wrote of this tough season I am experiencing. A season where our mighty God has led me into the wilderness. A season where I am on the potter's wheel being worked over by the sovereign hands of God. A season where both my Spirit and soul are being stretched. A season where my faith is being tested and as a result is growing exponentially as I learn to further surrender myself to His will.      One thing we need to remember too is Jesus (as God in the flesh here in earth) endured the same struggles we do so He truly does understand. I like this that I read from Max Lucado : Becaus...

Toughest season ever... It feels as though I am losing everything... I believe that is the point, God is stripping me down to bare minimum until I press even more into Him.... The confusing thing is I am chasing after God, pressing in, seeking more of Him.... This is just one of those seasons of stretching, testing of my faith... It hurts. I pray it ends soon.

     While I was at lunch after church on Sunday I overheard a conversation a family sitting near me was having. It was a husband, wife, and three daughters. It looked as though they varied in age from about four to nine years old. The middle daughter had a put a bow or ribbon in her hair when I heard the father tell her "That does not look good honey."      I was not deliberately listening in on the conversation I was just admiring what appeared to be great unity among this family when I saw and overheard what was being said. At that point I decided to play some 'Words with Friends' to allow the family their privacy and pass the time.      I was rummaging through the dictionary in my head to decide upon the next word I would use in an attempt to conquer my opponent when I could not help but hear the daughter then begin to whine whereas her feelings had been hurt. That was when I heard the true compassion and heart of ...

Damage      This photo is of my car. This is damage that I noticed yesterday while on break at work. It is not even all shown in the photo and I am not sure if you can see the significance of the damage in this photo, but due to the location it had to have been some serious impact to cause the dents that it did.       Let us move on to the point of this blog whereas if we ask , God will speak to us at ALL times in every event of every minute of every day. What God spoke to me through this was that regardless of how good a steward we are to what He has given to us, others can (and oftentimes will) damage (or cause wounds to) those things or to us. It could be intentional, incidental, or accidental. It could even be from our friends .      The great news about all this is that the wounds, hurt, damage inflicted by others only have as much control as we allow them to. Am I saying it is easy to just let it all go? Absolutely...

Times of trial when diligence is tested are times when true friends surface and the fakes are exposed. It can be some of the most painful events during those trials whereas the one(s) you felt would be there through anything may just be the first to abandon you.

     About a year ago I was in communication with someone who has known me for several years. I think they are still to this day trying to figure out what has happened to me. I have been overtly open and honest that by surrendering my life to God I am a new creature and that His love is growing inside me. One of their responses was "I have heard church is just another addiction." I can not argue that. I am addicted to the love I feel from God. I am addicted to church. However... CHURCH IS NOT A BUILDING!      Church is community, it is what occurs outside the walls of the building much more than what occurs within them. As a result of that community and the grace and mercy of our great God, I am literally a new creature. So if you view it as an addiction then hook up the IV! I have traded in other addictions. A glass pipe for the Bible, a joint for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, a bottle of Patron for worshiping our sweet Lord, a l...

     Wait what? Do you think I am indecisive now? Just yesterday I wanted to be the weaker brother. Well, I want to be both.      I too can be a mentor and pour into the lives of others. Our precious Lord fills us up so that He can then pour us out. Whereas I may have a very long way to go in my spiritual journey; I am still further along than others and it is my responsibility as a disciple to help others. The best part is, if you are living your life and dying to self daily then you do not even have to try.      By simply being  me (the me I have become through progressive sanctification)  I have been acknowledged, notified, and shown (in some interesting ways) how I have had a positive impact on the lives of many individuals.      In fact, I had a few letters of character reference written by friends for the court hearing I just had in CA and a few of those letters...

     No the title of this post is not a typo. Yes you read it correctly. I want to be the weaker brother!      This all came to me when I heard a sermon from Jeff Wickwire on the radio when driving to work the other day. The title of his message was 'The Weaker Brother'. He was not necessarily using it in the context that I am, but they parallel one another.      Basically, if I am the weaker brother then that means I am around a stronger one. A man more wise, more spiritually mature, and whatever else God feels I need to submit to the authority of in my time here on earth. Sounds a lit like a mentor does it not? I have felt for over a year that the Lord wanted me to have a good mentor. He even gave me a name, obviously I was not exactly obedient in that area of life whereas I still do not have an official mentor. I do have people that speak into my life, but not a mentor per se.      That is why I am ...

     Countless individuals have been asking how the court hearing went in California for legal custody/visitation of Andrew. I was hoping and praying for the best so that I can begin growing a deeper relationship with Andrew and although I wanted more; I believe that our God did the best for the present time. Rather than get all wordy and drawn out I will succinctly put the results below in bullet points. Partial Stipulation With notice greater than 48 hours I will be allowed reasonable visitation with Andrew and we will have a mental health professional involved as a third party for their input that will allow for fair progression in visitation. (i.e. - more time and eventually having him come here for split holidays, part of the summer, and any other that is agreed upon at that time) I have an allotted time with a 30 minute window to call and speak to Andrew once a week. I can call more often than once a week, but that does not...

     God's forgiveness is absolute; we are the ones that struggle with forgiveness (both giving and receiving). Until you truly believe this in your heart you can not experience true freedom from your past. It is much easier to believe this in your mind than to allow that belief to travel eighteen inches to the heart.      What I am about to share with you, many of you know about my past...most of you do not. This part of my life goes back to early 2004. This was a time when I was working for a publication company during the week and working in a friends bar on the weekends. At this time I was living a life of total immorality. I was drunk every weekend (fringe benefit of being a bartender), I was living in promiscuity, smoking one to two packs of cigarettes a day, and the occasional joint would top things off. I was a poor steward of relationships in my life (both family and friends), I was a poor steward of money,...

I have to be honest. Even with the posts I have written this year in trying to encourage you all in so many ways I wanted off the ride of life this morning. No I do not mean suicide; I just wanted to get off and stand static on solid ground, going no where. Life can be rough, it can be a scary ride. The reality is that getting off the ride would help nothing. If anything it would prolong (or completely eliminate) any growth, learning, momentum, moving forward, etc. Eventually I would have to get back on the ride and I would be right where I was when I got off. We have a choice to react or to respond and the choices we make are directly correlated to how our relationship with God will develop. It is important for us to keep our faith through seasons of struggling. "Our faith is in direct proportion to the absence of fear in our lives. Where fears begins, faith ends. Where there is faith there is no fear." -Marvin Yakos In the past I would allow fear to gain co...

The title of this post was a "status update" I posted last night on Facebook prior to going to bed. Due to a couple of comments, text messages, and emails that were sent in response to that status update I realized that it was phrased in a way which was easily misconstrued and perceived incorrectly by some. The Lord really spoke to me through this reiterating something He has been speaking to me over the last few weeks. PERCEPTION.  Have you ever noticed how many ways in which our perception is skewed? For example, look at your reflection in the water. Needless to say you would not be winning any beauty pageants if that were how you truly looked and if the world perceived you in this way every time you walked out into public. Another example using water would be when you stick an object partially in the water and keeping the rest of it out...what do you see? It looks as though the object is broken. Keeping with the previous theme of reflections how about when...

I think most of us know the saying "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." Well, I allowed myself to be fooled numerous times over the last couple decades. Primarily this occurred in allowing my emotions to control me in circumstances. I was one who would "blow up", become irate, and express anger in very unhealthy ways. Do not believe me? Just ask ex-girlfriends, family members, friends, or other random victims of my behavioral patterns from my past. I assure you it was bad. In fact I love this quote from Marvin Yakos: "Anger repressed becomes rage when it escapes, or if never allowed to vent, extreme depression." With that being said I want to make it clear that anger in and of itself is not a "bad" emotion. The ways in which we control (or by allowing it to control us) anger is when it can become unhealthy. You may ask where I am going with all of this. Well... Let me give some examples from the last few days showing immen...

So just over two years ago when I began attending my current church I would go in, mingle, worship, listen to the message, take notes, etc. Then I would leave and go about living just as the world lives. Then the conviction began, notice I said conviction and NOT condemnation. At that point I began trying harder to stop doing the things that I knew were sinful behavior and and damaging myself and putting a wedge between myself and God. I kept failing so I tried harder! I might go a few days, then maybe weeks; but all in all I would still fail miserably. So I tried even HARDER! It was so frustrating. Whereas the distance between those times would increase it was so tiring to work so hard to "be good". Then one day... Finally one day I surrendered. I gave over control. Not to say it was all instantaneous and I had no more failure, but it became less tiresome. I gave my heart to God.  You see it is all an issue of the heart, nothing external . Some will disag...

The title of this post is such a common phrase used in our society. Yet I believe that it is used out of context most of the time. We (myself included) make that statement as though we have transformed into this new person and progressed beyond whatever bondage, oppression, and sin was previously in our lives. It implies that we ourselves have done something positive in our own effort to get past all the junk from our past and be a better person. This is all wrong! It should not be "who I have become" but rather "becoming who I am". Although it is a process that we must go through it is more about us experiencing healing in our lives (physical, emotional, mental, etc.) that leads to the progressive sanctification of becoming who God intended us to be all along. The person He had in mind when he so carefully designed us down to every minute detail. It is truly about total surrender and submission to His will. We live in a fallen world. We make mistakes. Circum...

Have you truly let the past go?  It is highly important that you be honest with yourself. If you are dragging dead weight from your past it will greatly hinder you from reaching what is ahead of you for this new year and the rest of your life.  If you have issues with other people that are unresolved you need to take care of those immediately. I said immediately! Do not write yourself a note and consider doing it when you have time. Drop what you are doing (which at this time is reading my blog! HAHA I gotcha) and call or go see that individual and make things right. The scripture tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger in  Ephesians 4:26 . How many times has the sun set while you were still angry or had some unresolved issues with someone?  Now if you say you passed that portion of the survey then let us move on to YOU! Have you forgiven yourself for your errors of the past? I mean have you really let it all go so that you can be who God designed yo...

Do you have a Jericho in your life?      Of course you do, we all do. The key to defeating your Jericho is to complete all seven laps! What would have happened if Joshua and the Israelites had not completed all seven laps around their Jericho? They would have not only failed to defeat the city, but would have been the laughing stock of the world at that time. I mean who would march around a city led by the band trying to defeat their enemy? However, since they chose to be obedient to the commands of God they have a story of victory that is known worldwide and has endured for centuries.      With this new year upon us I challenge and encourage you to be diligent and intentional with all that you do. If you walk away with anything from any post I have ever written please let the following two points sink in. Through radical obedience and patient endurance our actions show our faith and God will work miracles in our life.  Be intenti...

How many of you want to be representatives with human attributes and characteristics; or to be anthropomorphic? I would guess most of you would be content with that. Now let me ask you this...how many of you want to be representatives with Christlike attributes and characteristics? Whether you are a Christian or not, I believe most people still view Jesus as having been a good person and someone we could all aspire to be.  The great news here is that once we come into agreement with the gospel and give over our lives to Him we are made new and can move beyond an anthropomorphic life. It is clearly stated in Galatians 5:24 . With that being said I do not want to sit here and tell you that once you accept Jesus as your personal Saviour that all your sinful thoughts just vanish like dust int he wind. Now in some cases that has happened, but more often than not you will continue to struggle. You may win the battle repeatedly for days, wee...