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Showing posts from 2012

Getting up vs. rising up...

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     Some of you know I was never truly a distance runner, but a couple years ago I was approached to train for and run a half-marathon to raise money for A21  and all proceeds we raised would go to fight human trafficking. After not only hearing of the atrocities involved with human trafficking and sex slaves throughout the world, but actually meeting girls who had been rescued from such a horrific life I was all in. Thus began months of difficult training. When I first began I went to the local high school to begin my training...it was humiliating. I honestly could not run a lap which in case you are unaware is a quarter-mile. Additionally, in case you are unaware a half-marathon is 13.1 miles! Clearly I had a lot of work ahead of me which would require diligence and patience. Fast forward a few months and I completed the half-marathon (albeit running ten miles and walking out the last three due to inadequate stretching of my IT band...lol) and we raised lots of money for A21 Campaig

My big day in court...

     Why am I so stubborn?      I approached the witness stand and began to tell my side of the story. The more I talk the more you would think I was the defendant rather than a witness. The trial went on for a lengthy time, so long in fact we eventually took recess for a lunch break. Upon return from lunch I got back on the witness stand where the attorney (whom I like to call the accuser) continued to barrage me with accusations. I continued to defend myself...how did this happen where I was converted from a witness to the defendant?      It was a long and emotional day as one can imagine. Then to top things off at the end of the day the judge stated he was overruling everything I had said because he objected! WHAT! Are you kidding me?      I am sure you can all relate with how frustrated I must have felt. Asking myself why I even had to spend an entire day at court. Feeling as though I had wasted an entire day of my life. Perhaps we all just need a shift of perspective...  

I killed a man...

DISOBEDIENCE! I seem to be in a season of struggling with this. Why!? Why!?      I know the consequences hurt not only myself but, my Spiritual walk and the Spiritual walk of others as well There is no sin that does not effect other individuals...especially murder.      Now before you grab your phone to call the police to report me...there is no need. The ultimate judge...the one whom I murdered already knows. All sin is a result of disobedience and disobedience is what killed our King. He said it h\Himself. 19   Has not Moses given you the law? Yet none of you keeps the law. Why do you seek to kill me?"        Knowing this; one would think I would stop doing the very thing that caused my Lord's beard to be ripped out of His face. The shards of bone, clay, cacti settling deep within the flesh of His back only to be ripped out with brutal force. Need I go on? He suffered a brutal death and He did it all for the mistakes and errors I seem to continuously make.      

Ephemeral purity...

     Are you an individual who goes to a Joyce Meyer conference, your church's annual men's or women's conference, or a retreat of some kind and get all fired up for Jesus? You walk out ready to be the light you are called to be in this world of darkness? How long does that zeal last?      Carrying the light of life  it an absolute honor! We should be proud about being given the opportunity to be a witness to others. I know there was a time in my life when I believed I needed to preach the gospel to everyone around me and live this perfect, righteous life! Well, that is exactly how we may just push others further away from being a follower of Christ. Others then see us only as judgmental hypocrites. When we behave in these ways we cannot expect to be commiserated by others when they see us mess up. We are commanded only to love others; when we do this in a Godly way then our actions alone do all the preaching anyone needs.      What really matters...actually the only  t

Fugacious behavioral goodness...

     So I was having a conversation when I heard, "Well, I would not do that if my pastor was around.". Which I interpreted as they would do this action once they were outside the presence of their pastor. When they were in a place that their actions could not be seen.      By no means have I perfected my thoughts, actions, behaviors, character, etc. But, it saddens to me to know they forgot about the omnipresence of our High Priest .

Walk it out...

    Recently I spent an entire month reading 1 John 1 through 3 John 1:15 every day. I also now put the books/chapters I am reading each month on my iPod and have them play on repeat while I sleep. In typical Jeremy fashion, I digress...      Some of my favorite verses out of those three books are 1 John 1:5-7 . Oftentimes I think we read through the bible just as you do the newspaper or a magazine article. The thing is all scripture is God breathed and is living! So what do these verses mean?      I believe they are talking about our lives when no one else is looking. Or the way we live with our circle of friends when not in public view. If you live differently at these times you are walking in darkness; hiding from the light. This is why it is so important for us to be careful of who we spend majority of our time with. Am I saying we should only hang around other Christians all the time? Absolutely not. It is the great commission to go out and spread the gospel and love others. H

The validity of honesty...

     The truth is so important in all aspects of our lives. This is even illustrated when Paul writes about the belt of truth . What many people do not know is it is believed that Paul was chained to a Roman soldier when writing the book of Ephesians. As God the Holy Spirit spoke to him, he has the parallels from the physical realm right in front of his face to bring the Spiritual words to life and make them applicable. For those of you who do not know; the belt was one of the most important pieces of a soldiers uniform. Not only was it used to fasten and secure the breastplate into place; it also allowed a place for the sheath to fasten so the sword could be stored and not be constantly carried. Even more importantly than the analogy used by Paul; Jesus Himself spoke of the power of truth .       Below are a couple quotes I came across in the last few days that also speak of truth.  " We need to be honest with others about what's going on inside us." Joyce Meyer &

Heterogeneous to homogeneous...

     So I was born into sin...so were you. We began life as heterogeneous beings, we were lost. Then Jesus came to this earth in the most vulnerable way possible...as a baby. Humbling to me...if you really think about that rather than just reading it as a story a book. The fear Mary must have had in telling her fiance, her parents, her friends when she was pregnant. It was even less accepted then, than it is today. The worry or doubt when she was going into labor and there were no rooms available. Those are only two instances of more than nine full months of Mary's young life. ...and who knows, maybe God gave her immeasurable peace through it all I just know Mary was human just like you and I. Regardless, the work Jesus did here on earth and more importantly on the cross, allows us to become homogeneous beings! "We open the Spiritual womb of God when we give our hearts to Him and then we are born again." - Pastor Geoffrey Cohen      This is the beginning of the progres

Wounded Warrior...

     So I had been believing lies of the enemy for several weeks...maybe months. I felt as though I had digressed Spiritually and was "starting over". LIES LIES I tell you. Do not believe this (as I did) regardless of what you have done. I am created in His image and I am still the same warrior for Christ I was when I was peaking in my Spiritual journey last year!      If a soldier goes through all the training and becomes elite to the point of being Delta Force he is an intricately trained warrior. Now, when out in battle if he makes a mistake and gets injured he is no less the trained killer he was prior to the incident. He may have a limp, soreness, etc. However, he is still an elite soldier trained and knowledgeable in the ways of war.      The same goes for us. Confess, repent, and get back into the battle. The longer we wallow in the error of our ways from the past the longer we give then enemy victory. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy our purpose for God. Sata

Manhood 101...

     So last Thursday kicked off the Alpha Summit 2012  at Gateway Church . To me, personally, this is more than just an annual conference. I was raised in the church and was on fire as a youth. I went to Peru doing missions and was all about sharing the gospel message and introducing others to Christ our Lord. Then as much a cliché as it is; I went wayward as the prodigal son had centuries before me. However, it was on May 15, 2009 (during the first Alpha Summit conference) when Pastor Robert Morris  spoke, that I surrendered my life to the Lord. I decided that evening to stop smoking, stop living out actions of sexual immorality, surrender my pride, and die to self. It was the most important evening of the last fifteen years of my life. I have grown much since then and fallen at times as well.      In the last couple weeks I have picked myself up and brushed myself of and I am on the journey once again. Then came Alpha Summit. An anniversary or birthday even of the day I surrendere

Gregarious errors...

     So yesterday after church I checked my phone to discover a text from a friend who was very near and asked to meet for coffee. I called and we worked out the details to meet at a nearby Starbucks. It was a great time of fellowship and I got to meet someone new as well! However, this time of fellowship was gregarious victory and not an error, so on to the point.      As we were walking out there was a woman standing outside her vehicle with arms full of several coffee travelers  and pastries. She said, "I could use a good deed about now!" I responded by running over to assist her by first getting the door, except it was locked. I took a coffee traveler from her so she could get to her keys. She proceeded to unlock her vehicle and I opened the door. At that moment a woman came out of Starbucks saying, "That is my car! That is my car!" I turned thinking it was a friend of the woman I was assisting and she just could not see her friend. But, again she said "T

The apathetic cultivation of wisdom...

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     I believe at times (well I know for me anyways) we gain wisdom from experience yet we fail to apply that wisdom to our lives. This results in us making the same mistakes or going down the same roads we have gone down time and time again. Even if it is a road we must frequent we should learn the road and be able to avoid the ditches or any other form of an accident. God speaks to me often through regular physical things on this earth. He created the world so does it not make sense that there are specific parallels with this physical realm and the Spiritual?      Saturday evening I went with a friend to get food and when we got back to the house we realized the order was incorrect. I drove back to the establishment to right the wrong. During this drive I was having a conversation with Jesus when He began to speak to me about being a doer ( James 1:23 ). Through my life I have experienced many things and learned tons of valuable lessons. However for decades I would repeatedly mak

The lover of my soul...

     So the last couple weeks had been difficult for me. I felt a lot of pain and heartache. But God is faithful! This weekend during worship at church God was speaking so clearly to me. Luckily I could hear Him over the sobbing LOL I am grateful for how loud it is whereas I was literally on my face crying out to God. In that moment I felt like David in some of the Psalms when he is so over it all he simply screams out for God. Then a surprising event occurred when the message from Pastor Jimmy Evans was on David. Aside from that subtle confirmation God reiterated some things He had been trying to get me to hear for a couple weeks. First, he reaffirmed His faithfulness. He was telling me to let go of things and trust in Him. He reminded me that I never  walk alone and He is always  with me. It was comforting. In that moment I could feel the hand of God reaching deep down into my soul and pulling the roots out. It was painful (as it always is) but I know the end result is freedom I have

Sanatory movements...

     The removal of weeds within my soul is a painful thing, but ever so worth the freedom it brings and the healing that follows. Progressive sanctification is such a beautiful thing. There are many different ways people reference this work of the Lord. The "peeling of layers like an onion" and "softening the heart and removing scar tissue" to name a couple; in this case I am using the analogy of removing weeds from our lives. Just as in the physical realm when you takeover a rental property that was not maintained you will not eliminate all  weeds in one attempt without further damaging the lawn. My soul was full of overgrown weeds and other garbage because rather than stewarding my body, soul, and Spirit as a gift I treated them all more like a rental property for a number of years. In the same way God will not remove every weed in our life at once whereas we would likely not survive such an action from such a glorious being. He will remove some weeds from our so

Sayhear...

what I say is not what you hear at times my words have brought you tears it pains me deeply to know I caused anything resulting in loss what I say is not what you hear tearing you down is what I fear I only wish to build you up positively filling your emotional cup what I say is not what you hear my intentions are exhortation and cheer oftentimes it comes out all wrong I wish I spoke as a beautiful song what I say is not what you hear I promise you I truly care only God can translate my part allowing you to see my heart

Occluded heart and vaccilation...

     Last night at VII  Pastor Stephen spoke on deceit. A powerful message...      I would like to think of myself as a man of integrity and actually would pride myself on my integrity. However, as you can likely tell from my recent posts I have struggled with some sin over the last few months. I rationalized my blogging about my struggles as my "confession". The thing was I was being disobedient whereas I clearly heard God telling me to go to pastoral leadership to confess these things. I had avoided it by going to other leaders in the church. Well today I finally did it! I actually confessed it all to two pastors and last night to other leadership in the church and I have to tell you James 5:16 is in full effect. I am hundreds of pounds lighter. In fact just two hours before I began writing this someone at church came up and said, "you look great!". He then went on to tell me he could tell something was not right in my heart and I was struggling the last time h

Ad infinitum...

      Many decisions we make have an eternal impact upon our lives and the lives of our children (our legacy) whether good or bad. "We will reap what we sow" - Galatians 6:7b " for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me," - Exodus 20:5b      Making a decision is a cognitive process which results in a choice.  Progression in life (maturity and growth) is directly correlated with our daily choices. Our choices also control our attitudes which impacts our behaviors. Our choices also impact those in our lives. I have just gone through a season of making poor choices. Falling victim to temptation in areas I had previously conquered. Self condemnation is an easy thing to fall victim of after these setbacks, as well as guilt of how we affected others as a result of our sin. I myself was falling into both pits when God, through friends of mine, reminded

Happy Blogoversary

     What does that even mean? Well, it means that four years ago on this day I wrote my first blog posting ever . Going back and reading that last night was interesting to say the least.      I referenced my time in middle school and high school as "...some of the best years of my life." and my move to California "...was the best move I had made...", and even my time in Virginia had its postives whereas I "...minimized smoking, drinking, and eating out.".      Reading that was highly  encouraging. Realizing how far I have come. I was far from living a healthy lifestyle at that time period of my life physically, emotionally, psychologically, or Spiritually. At that time I was scared, confused, and alone. It was before I discovered Andrew , the greatest gift God has ever given me. A time when I knew little of how to be a good friend, son, brother, father, boyfriend, etc. (Which by the way is an area I still have a long way to go in)      The funny thing

Hearsay...

what I hear is not what you say my insecurities get in the way past experiences created a lens my interpretation makes no sense what I hear is not what you say due to my actions I now must pay wishing I could turn back time to when my presence brought sublime what I hear is not what you say from your mouth to my ears is a fray seeking wisdom in His word is the only cure I can afford what I hear is not what you say but with listening ears that all can change God has changed me much you see even more to come when I die to me

Awareness...

I humbly come before you Lord as a piece of dirt which you made into something beautiful that which I aspire to become sin places a wedge your son the cross separation removed sin... again... why oh God is it so hard my failure causes damage my cuts and bruises will heal but first heal those I hurt before

Poetry?!?!

Anyone that knows me or even does not know me, but has followed my blog knows I am not a poet...However, it is beginning to flow and whether you think it is good or not matters not to me. Flow it will. In fact I love the following quote from Michael Gungor in a recent blog post. "Your art is worth making even if the industry [world] around you isn’t quite ready for it yet. Make it and let them catch up with you. Your art is sacred. Be honest. Be brave. And don’t let the markets or the industry [or the world] be the final filter on your art, let your heart do that." So I may have one poem or it may continue for weeks, months, even years. Just know that in this season it is beginning to flow and I do not know where it comes from.

Heart ache...

heart and ache two words should never be a pair who can know why

Betrayal....

You know that moment you discover you have been lied to? Betrayed? Hurts doesn't it?

Incarceration... (Part two) -- PARADIGM SHIFT

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     If you read yesterdays post ( Incarceration... (Part One) ) then the photo above may look familiar to you only with a different perspective. A broader view of the events. Yesterday showed a young boy looking down as though he were possibly sad, scared, even disappointed. Honestly, it was how I had oftentimes felt the last few weeks until yesterday afternoon/evening. I felt trapped in a cage as though my Spiritual and emotional growth had been put on pause. Realistically I do not have "prison bars" around me; rather I have a hedge of protection.      You see I took these photos a little over a year ago when I was out in California to visit my son Andrew.  I sat watching this father and his son for over a half hour. The young boy would shout out, "Daddy! Get more sticks daddy. Make it better!". Honestly I was in tears majority of the time wishing, hoping, dreaming it could have been me and my son. But I digress...      How often do we pray for protecti

Incarceration... (Part one)

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     Have you reached a point where you feel you have finally reached true freedom and healing from past hurts and heartache? You feel healthy to the point you can move forward in life carrying love, joy, strength, and courage...spreading it to all within your circle of influence. I was there. Then God moved me into a new season, brought new people into my life, and led to other relationships ending or becoming less prevalent. Through all this new insecurities are surfaced. The hurt...the pain leads me right back into responding in ways which are unloving. My feelings get hurt and I do not know exactly where it comes from. The worst part is the people witnessing my actions or being involved in them truly had absolutely nothing to do with these insecurities thus unjustly being affected by them. While awaiting the pain and time of this surgery removing the roots of my issues I feel as though I am incarcerated.      Maybe, just maybe it is where I need to be right now...    

This is occasionally an acerbic journey...

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     This life can be so difficult at times. You can be having an incredible day and then one phone call, event, occurrence, etc. can change it all. I try so hard at times to be better and I feel that over the last four months I continue to falter in so many areas. Up until the last week or two I have felt I was regressing in my Spiritual journey. When all in all I believe the truth is I was trying to head in a direction ahead of God's timing. I believe it is a "future through street". Is it frustrating, difficult, even painful? Absolutely.       If you are one of the two or three people that actually read my blog; please be praying for me to have the strength to glorify Him in all I do and say. I am scratching and clawing to get back to the Spiritual heights I have reached over the last couple years. And honestly I am probably being hard on myself. Maybe I simply need to forgive myself for sin in my life.      Pray for the relationships in my life that God

New beginnings...

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     After awakening on January 1st, 2012 I was on my way home when I realized how beautiful the sunrise was both physically and Spiritually. Physically, it was fresh, clean...new. The day prior was a balmy 75 degrees and then a cold front blew in overnight and it was closer to 40 degrees that morning. The wind from the front cleared out all the smog, pollen, and other junk. It left for an absolutely clear and gorgeous blue sky for the first morning of this new year. Now on to what God spoke to me during this time...      The photo shows the power of the sun...the light. It also shows the clarity of the sky. The picture message I got from God was that with this new beginning I should be walking towards the light (His son) constantly pursuing to be closer and more intimate with Him. The fresh air and clarity was Him showing me in the physical realm how everything truly is new in the Spiritual realm (Lamentations 3:22-23) . He also spoke to me explaining how we should honestly