An addiction I desire to have...
About a year ago I was in communication with someone who has known me for several years. I think they are still to this day trying to figure out what has happened to me. I have been overtly open and honest that by surrendering my life to God I am a new creature and that His love is growing inside me. One of their responses was "I have heard church is just another addiction." I can not argue that. I am addicted to the love I feel from God. I am addicted to church. However...
CHURCH IS NOT A BUILDING!
Church is community, it is what occurs outside the walls of the building much more than what occurs within them. As a result of that community and the grace and mercy of our great God, I am literally a new creature. So if you view it as an addiction then hook up the IV! I have traded in other addictions. A glass pipe for the Bible, a joint for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, a bottle of Patron for worshiping our sweet Lord, a life of promiscuity for real unadulterated relationship with people that love me for ME!
If an addiction causes me to love others more, results in my making wiser decisions, has an outcome of true integrity, and true joy through all circumstances then give me MORE!
To elaborate on the joy part I can tell you this. Whereas I would be lying if I said I have not struggled I am joyful. As I type this I do not know when I will get to see my son again, I do not know where I will be living in six weeks whereas my lease is up, I do not know how I will get the maintenance done on my vehicle that is now past due, I do not know how I will pay my upcoming bills, I do not know where I stand in a very important relationship, and I do not know what my job situation truly is whereas my current job does not appease my stringent budget. I could go on, but I will spare you LOL. But, you know what? I am still joyful!
I am however beaten down. The weight of all this and the world itself has been beating against me for weeks now. I worn down. "Limping" as a sister in Christ mentioned while praying for me earlier this evening. Which spoke to me, in fact minutes prior to that statement and prayer I had read my friend Nancy's blog in which she discussed crutches, among other things. [Go ahead go check it out]
That was when I realized my life with Christ can fill another cliché (other than "just another addiction"). It is also a crutch. That's right I said it. And you know what I want two of them and I am going to lean in and put ALL my weight on them. God can handle it, I assure you. Fortunately, through God's perfect timing I also got a scholarship to go on a retreat this weekend with some great men of God. I know not what is in store for me, but I know it is good. First of all I need the time away. A good friend of mine is driving so I can save my fuel for work and reduce more wear and tear on my vehicle that needs some tender loving care right now LOL
Well, folks that is all I have for tonight. Just felt the need to get that off my chest. Feel free to comment or contact me if you want or need to chat more. Also if you think about it please pray for me and my current circumstances. I will not tell you what or how to pray, if you feel led to pray for me then be led by the Holy Spirit as to how and what you should pray. Thank you for reading and I pray blessings over every that reads this blog. Now go out and be the light and salt to the world God desires you to be!