Sunday, January 25, 2009

Enervation to auspicious beginnings...

Well, here we are. My first blogoversary! I figured with this I should begin writing again. It has been far too long since I have regularly posted entries in here. 

Well the last year was definitely filled with all kinds of change, adversity, etc. 

January: at the time I began writing in this blog I was just coming out of a state of pretty severe depression that was a result of a time in my life of obfuscation. I had never experienced depression before (whereas I am a predominantly happy go lucky kind of person) so it took me a while to even figure out what was wrong within myself. During that time I also began consistently experiencing migraine headaches that would last days. It was what some would call a low-point in my life. The turn around began when I flew into Texas for the holidays. I was able to visit my mother and sister and try to get my thoughts worked out. It worked...I went back to my home in Virginia after the holidays with a new sense of motivation. 

February: I decided I was moving out of Virginia and back to Texas. I gave my two weeks notice to my place of employment and began packing my things. 

March: On the first of the month I found myself back in my home state with a new vigor for life. On the eighth my mother invited me to go to Church with her which was another good move. 

April: By now I had quit smoking and was rarely drinking. I had replaced those habits with yoga and lifting weights. 

May: Still continuing a frustrating job search but keeping my spirits up throughout that time. I continued to go to the gym regularly and do yoga as often as possible. I also began spending more time at church volunteering by working with the children's ministries and the singles home group ministry as well. 

June: By now I am continuing the aforementioned activities, exercises, etc. I also got myself a job (though not ideal was a job none-the-less). I also joined a flag football pick-up league that was here locally and got involved in being a co-organizer for that group as well. 

July: The month that changed everything and will go down as one of the greatest months of my life. Not only did I get a new job that I enjoyed much more than the previous...on the sixteenth of this month I was contacted and discovered I have a son (Andrew)! An emotional roller coaster would follow; but, I knew that I had to keep focused now that there is a child in the picture. 

August: Continued to get to know Andrew and his mother which was very fulfilling for me. Although i had missed out on the previous three years of his life I was enthralled with knowing I could be there for the years to come to help to raise him to be a good man. I also continued to excel at my new job by leading my department for the month. 

September: Month number two of leading the department at my new job; due to that fact I also got a promotion! But the best part of the month was when I flew out to meet my son. I also must thank the Guerrero's for providing me with that plane ticket so I could go meet my son. It was the most amazing weekend. His mother has done a fantastic job of raising him. He is very well behaved and so happy. I did not want to leave to come back home.

October: I continued to struggle for a while after going out there. I was under a lot of stress. Starting the new position at work, still living with my mother (which was supposed to be very temporary), and the pain of not being able to see my son. For a while I could not even go to my friends houses that had children because it was too difficult to be around children. But, I got through it and continued to move forward at work as well. 

November: At this point I was just counting the days to when I would be back in California to hang out with Andrew! There was stark contrast as to my emotions after leaving California in September. I knew now that I would once again be spending time with my son again. This time I had more than a week to do so!

December: The time has come. The first year I get to spend my birthday, Christmas, and Andrew's birthday with him! The anticipation was so intense. I finally got out to CA and to get to hold him in my arms was a great reward for months of patience. I made the best of the time I was allowed to see my son and tried to be near him at all times. Knowing the value of time and knowing that we had such a small amount of it together made it that much more important to me. Also knowing that I have no idea when I am going to be able to see him again. 


Now we are in a new year that will be full of new beginnings and changes. I am pledging to make this the best year of my life and make great strides in the direction that I have to go. I also intend to begin posting again and more often as a place to vent my thoughts and reactions to things in the world. Happy New Year all!

 
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