Occluded heart and vaccilation...
Last night at VII Pastor Stephen spoke on deceit. A powerful message...
I would like to think of myself as a man of integrity and actually would pride myself on my integrity. However, as you can likely tell from my recent posts I have struggled with some sin over the last few months. I rationalized my blogging about my struggles as my "confession". The thing was I was being disobedient whereas I clearly heard God telling me to go to pastoral leadership to confess these things. I had avoided it by going to other leaders in the church. Well today I finally did it! I actually confessed it all to two pastors and last night to other leadership in the church and I have to tell you James 5:16 is in full effect. I am hundreds of pounds lighter. In fact just two hours before I began writing this someone at church came up and said, "you look great!". He then went on to tell me he could tell something was not right in my heart and I was struggling the last time he saw me. I realize I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but it was obviously quite apparent even to someone from a distance.
Anyway I went off on a rabbit trail there...this is not about me. This post is meant to hopefully speak to someone reading it.
Holding in those things which block your heart is a form of deceit. God knows all we do so to not confess those things to others will cause several things to occur. A few of those were covered in last nights message. (Which should be available for viewing and/or listening in a few days via the website or iTunes)
I would like to think of myself as a man of integrity and actually would pride myself on my integrity. However, as you can likely tell from my recent posts I have struggled with some sin over the last few months. I rationalized my blogging about my struggles as my "confession". The thing was I was being disobedient whereas I clearly heard God telling me to go to pastoral leadership to confess these things. I had avoided it by going to other leaders in the church. Well today I finally did it! I actually confessed it all to two pastors and last night to other leadership in the church and I have to tell you James 5:16 is in full effect. I am hundreds of pounds lighter. In fact just two hours before I began writing this someone at church came up and said, "you look great!". He then went on to tell me he could tell something was not right in my heart and I was struggling the last time he saw me. I realize I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but it was obviously quite apparent even to someone from a distance.
Anyway I went off on a rabbit trail there...this is not about me. This post is meant to hopefully speak to someone reading it.
Holding in those things which block your heart is a form of deceit. God knows all we do so to not confess those things to others will cause several things to occur. A few of those were covered in last nights message. (Which should be available for viewing and/or listening in a few days via the website or iTunes)
- Deceit conceals the heart
- Deceit Chokes Spiritual Growth
- Deceit Corrupts Relationships
I can assure you I was experiencing all of these every day. I woke up for several weeks and it lead to a constant vexation that was rapidly growing as a malignant cancerous growth. I had heart disease...and occluded heart...and it hurt. It was affecting every area of my life: work, relationships. ministry, church, sleep, etc. My Spiritual Growth too was being choked, I had a feeling I am sure we have all experienced. Feeling I was in a rut and could not claw my way out of no matter how much effort I put into it. I was only wearing myself down and growing weary. I also, sadly, experienced major corruption of relationships...especially with someone I care for deeply. I do not even know if the relationship is even reparable at this point and this person is an amazing friend (if that was not lost). I can only pray God heal any damage I have caused that individual.
Now I choose to end this post on a good note. After some ministry last night after VII and my time with pastoral staff today I have loosed myself from the bondage that has held me so tightly for weeks (maybe months). The restoration process is in full effect and I can move forward with confidence and focus on what I can do from day to day to submit and be a vessel to further the Kingdom.
My wish for anyone reading this is that you too will find a good Godly individual you can talk to about anything and not be judged. A friend whose hands are free of stones and their heart is full of love...true love as reflected below. This will keep the enemy from quenching your dreams and hindering you from your destiny!
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;t6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.
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