Texas Barbies...

Those of you not very familiar with Texas will have a harder time fully understanding this...but I find it hilarious!

Lubbock Barbie
Comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog

named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck,
boob job, and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

San Angelo
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit.

She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

West Odessa Barbie

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,

a Chevy with dark tinted windows. This model is only available after dark and
must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills)
.....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW or Hummer H2. Included are her

own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.
Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won't be able to afford any of them.

Big Spring Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,

a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack
of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals

with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Midland Barbie's house.
Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home and Lone Star Card.

Austin Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet,

hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.
She prefers that you call her Willow .. She does not want or
need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Austin Barbie's and the optional
Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Stanton Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and two infant dolls. Optional accessories

include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available,
but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by

simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

Hobbs Barbie

This Barbie is no longer available... she was shot before she made it to the list.


Determined said…
Hey jeremy, I can't see the pictures! :(
ImNoBetterThanU said…
I sent you the original email I took the whole thing from!

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